When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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