I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
