So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
