My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize