Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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