Can Purell be used as lube?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
