I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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