I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
