i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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