I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want to have your abortion
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
