so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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