Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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