last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize