i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
