Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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