yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
