I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
