take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
