You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
