so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
