i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sext me about skeletons
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
