And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
