You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
