My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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