I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I look better un-naked...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
