I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
sarcasm needs its own font
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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