They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
