I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
