I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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