she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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