I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
