Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
