I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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