I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
