I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
