I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
