if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
