then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
not ubering you a puppy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
