shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she told me i tasted like america
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
