I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
