Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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