Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
