Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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