Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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