Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
