He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
