I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
