It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
