Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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