Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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