I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
