Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize