Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
