Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
