The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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