last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize