after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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