I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize