It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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