Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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