Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
