Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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