So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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