We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize