So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
