If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
