is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
