Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
