Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sext me about skeletons
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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