Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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