Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
