how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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