Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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