I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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