yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
