we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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