I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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