Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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