Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
