i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
