I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
