yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
