so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize