someone threw a dead crab at me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
