I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
wow bdsm is so cute
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
