It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
