I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
