The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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