You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize