He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
