Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
