The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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