The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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