i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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