I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
