He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just gift wrapped bread.
cat food counts as protein by the way
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
