don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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