I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
