btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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