i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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