Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
