Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
