I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize