looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
