fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
