I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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