Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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