im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
