Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
