CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In other news, I just burned my penis
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
