Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
