random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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