i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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