Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want to make out with him forever
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
