I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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